HI HI HI ~ Update* + ARE YOU CONFIDENT?

Hey everyone! It's been a while since I actually blogged......sorry about that. I actually have like a million pictures in my camera that I want to upload and a lot of things I want to blog about and I swear they are beyond just graphic design related things!! But lately it's been kinda...........EH.

And by "EH" I don't necessarily mean things are 'bad' I just mean, things have been boring. Which is kinda not true either.....LOL I don't know.....I guess I've just felt "BLEH". Eh. Eh. Eh. ella ella.......

Anyway, today I wanted to ask you all, HOW CONFIDENT ARE YOU IN YOURSELF? 

I see a lot of people, bloggers/friends/etc take photos all the time and you can always see how confident they are in their photographs. Perhaps I'm just naturally not a photogenic person, but I--how can I put this lightly? I FUCKING HATE having my photo taken randomly. I always turn out really stupid looking and I can't stand it. It's why I disable tagged photos on facebook and whatnot. In fact, I just dodge the cameras at all costs! If I'm at a party or event and I see that flash go off in my direction, I freaking ninja dodge that sh*t! >___< And you guys might be like, "WTF? WHY?" Honestly, it wasn't always like that but as I get older I feel like I'm not really that confident IN MY LOOKS. 

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Through my entire life up to this point, I don't think I really ever cared too much about how I looked to other people. This might be really contradictory to what I'm saying, but at the same time, I always go out in public these days without any makeup on. I don't have the best skin. I mean, I don't have acne thankfully or rashy skin, but my skin tends to have blotchy redness all over like I'm sure most of us do but that's about it. Lately I've just felt extremely lazy and don't feel the need to wear any makeup. Which I'm sure has a lot to do with the reason why I don't like getting pictures taken too. Even though I've invested all this money into makeup, I haven't worn any unless I'm at an event where I feel like I have a lot of time to sit there and carefully apply my makeup for like half and hour to an hour. 

--Which then occured to me why I don't wear makeup.........TIME. 

I feel like everything is about TIME these days. I just hate feeling like there isn't enough time in a day. Before I would do my makeup before school every morning, then I realized how time consuming it is and how important that extra 30mins of sleep would mean to me. So I just stopped. But since I'm at school like all day, why wear makeup at all any other day? Ya know? So I go to the mall without makeup on and etc etc. Which then again, makes me not feel as confident if I run into someone I know or if I start talking to a stranger. I know, you're probably thinking like WTF LO Y U SO CONTRADICT URSELF?! I don't know!! LOL. I guess what I'm TRYING TO SAY IS.........I want to feel confident without makeup on since I don't like wearing it most of the time. In order for that to happen, big things have to change within myself. That change particularly meaning EATING DIFFERENTLY. 

Now I don't know if you are reading this as my friend IRL or my friend from blogging, but either way, I think you would know that I really really love food. I don't mean like, I love just healthy foods or just a certain kind of food. I LOVE ALL FOODS OF ALL COLORS AND ALL FATS AND CALORIES AND DELICIOUSNESS. I do not discriminate. Unless it's onions. I can't stand onions..........

As we all know, this love of food can prove to be quite fatal to the average female's anatomy. Unless you're one of those chicks that eat a lot and don't gain weight, the rest of us know that food is a love and hate situation. And to those girls who are like that---I HATE YOU. lolol jk. No but really...........I want to hate you. >____> 

And I will never give up food to be honest........HOWEVER, I feel that I can still enjoy the foods I love as long as I don't eat too much of it or when I'm home, majority of the time, I eat healthier. So right now I've been trying to eat at home as much as possible and eating as much 'green' or healthy foods as possible. I even bought a book called '100 BEST HEALTH FOODS' which I picked up at Barnes & Nobles for like $7. It's quite helpful actually. Thankfully I'm not one of those people who hate their veggies because I loooove veggies, but it's definitely hard to say no to that mid-afternoon ice cream cone. So I've been eating mostly salads, avocado, sandwiches with lean meat, etc when I'm at home. Then on the weekends if I'm out with friends or something, I think it's okay to indulge in life's treats a little. I just have to try and not eat IT ALL. It's quite difficult.

I hate dieting. HATE HATE HATE. In fact, I try to stay away from the word "DIET" as much as possible. Growing up with an Asian family, I know very well of the stresses of trying to be fit or thin. And I've never been either. I've never been thin and I've never been really fit. Well....depends on your definition of "FIT" but I definitely don't think I've ever been fit. I think I've always been on the chubbier side. I want to change that because I feel like, the older I get, the harder it will be to lose weight. I don't want to end up forever pudgy, especially if I have kids and whatnot. 

I know this whole post sounds really VAIN  lol but I'm not really that vain of a person. I'm just a harsh critic on myself. Aren't we all? Honestly, I could care less if other people are FAT or how much they eat or what they look like. I don't care about what OTHER people look like.........it's just me being vain to myself. A friend of mine asked me, "why do you care so much? what does vanity really do for you in the long run?" It's all just self confidence. That's all vanity really ever is. It's the need to feel at your maximum confidence. If you feel like you have a hot body and/or a pretty face, you feel confident in yourself, in meeting people, in getting a job. It may sound vain, but if it's for your own self confidence, what's wrong with it? I believe in order to be happy with yourself, you have to change the thing that bothers you the most about yourself. It all differs from person to person. Some people want to change their attitudes. Some people want to change their habits. For a lot of us, it's common to want to change our bodies, because it's something that makes a big difference if the goal is achieved and you feel like a different person once you lose a lot of weight. So it's different for every person, but there is always one thing that every person wants to really change about themselves. For a lot of people, it's difficult to even ADMIT it. Like for me, I was soooooo in denial about me eating so much not being a problem. I always had this, "So fucking what?" attitude about eating because I loved food and I loved hanging out with my friends and grubbing. Who doesn't??? But it gets to a point where you have to be like, "Hey, is all this eating and gaining weight really making you happy?" And if you say "yes", then you shouldn't have a body image issue. If you say yes and you do have a body image issue, you are in DENIAL. You have to admit to yourself that it's something that needs to change. Once you can admit it, you'll want to change it. If you genuinely feel happy not dieting, eating whatever you want, gaining weight, whatever, then that's okay. Honestly, that is okay. Like I said, it differs for each person. 

How confident are you in yourself? Although body image and looks is a huge topic for girls, there is a lot more than just vanity that goes into confidence. What do you think is your best feature--looks wise or personality wise? If you could change one thing and it could change like magic over night, what would it be? The challenge here is, how HONEST can you be in answering that? 

+Lo+