Update + Life + BLAH BLAH BLAH

There are quite a few things I've been wanting to blog about. So for the sake of my old mind, I'm going to write them out here so I can remember to blog about them. lol.

Anyway, so I've been feeling kind of under the weather this past week. Actually, ever since I came back from Vegas I've been feeling a bit 'off' for lack of better terms. Which is also something I really wanted to talk about. 

I know I said I would take tons of pictures at Vegas but......that didn't happen. It was mostly because my trip to Vegas was less than--well, "awesome". Don't get me wrong. I had a great time bonding with my high school friend but because of me not feeling 'well' the whole entire trip ended up being a bust. I was super mad at myself that I let this happen. Well, you know what. I'll just blog about it right now. 

Basically my Vegas trip with my bff from high school was on Feb 24th weekend. 

On Friday night she came over to my place and we were well on our way to Vegas. 

Now I've been to Vegas a million times but the reason this was such a special occasion was because this was OUR FIRST time together at Vegas. I've known this girl for 10yrs now. That's a DECADE! But yeah and we've never been to Vegas together as weird as it is. There was always something that hindered us from going together in the past so this time we just planned to do it together. 

So anyway, on Friday we stopped at SOUTH POINT, right before the strip to get some late night dinner. We went to this incredible place that's SUUUUPER cheap. I mean the prices are unheard of for Las Vegas eats, but this place was great. The line was also really long so I guess it's a popular spot. Anyway, so we went to eat and about 30mins into seating and talking, I started feeling REALLY WEIRD. Like I said, I want to write more about what's wrong with me later, but basically I have an ANXIETY DISORDER. Which I didn't realize it was a "disorder" until it started happening frequently. Anyway, if you have no idea what it is or what the effects are, I'll write it about it on the next post. But for now, back to what happened.
So I started feeling really off and I was afraid I'd get a panic attack. It happened out of NOWHERE. So I ran to the bathroom and I just started throwing up. Yeah. We didn't even get to eat our food! I felt terrible. I felt terrible internally and just so bad that this happened when it was supposed to be a fun weekend. My friend got our food to go and we headed out. We ended up not remembering where we parked, so we had to ask the service people to help us find our car. LOL. Okay I thought that part was funny because we were just like "omg....this would happen to US". After that we headed to her parent's place in Summerlin, which is about 15mins away from the strip. 

We went inside, talked about the Anxiety, and just had a deep conversation. Then we watched Mean Girls and fell asleep around 4am. 

Next day on Saturday, we woke up around 2pm and I told myself that I wouldn't let this 'Anxiety' get to me this weekend. We planned the whole weekend way in advance and I wasn't about to let it all go to waste because of this 'mental' weakness. So I tried really hard to be strong and not let it get to me. 

So one of our plans was to wear our WIGS and roam around Vegas and take tons of photos. 

Yeah. That didn't happen. Although we did manage to take these photos right before heading out. 

My friend Ren on the left. Me on the right. 

So we headed to Hash House, which is a popular eating spot in Vegas and we were happy to know that it wasn't crowded at all! There was no wait. So I guess we got there at the right time because usually it's SUUUUPER crowded. Anyway, we were eating and talking as usual. We were actually talking about what we were going to do the rest of the night. A couple of her friends were in Vegas that same night and they asked us to go clubbing with them. I was down to hang out with her friends UNTIL..............I started feeling WEIRD again!!! Out of fucking NOWHERE. AGAIN. We were just talking and it happened. I know if you are reading this, you might have no idea or might be intrigued by what this "weird feeling" is like, but basically, it's an extreme paranoid and fearful feeling. If you've ever had a panic attack from stress or something bad that happened, it's pretty much like that. Except Anxiety disorders are chronic and start happening kind of frequently out of nowhere. This seriously felt disabling to me. 

I went to the bathroom again and threw up--AGAIN. I called Patrick out of frustration and pretty much ranted about how much I hated this Anxiety and how much I felt like it was disabling me. Oddly enough, talking and ranting about it kind of made the feeling wear off because I was feeling a lot better after that. I basically returned to Ren and told her that IM NOT GOING TO LET IT GET TO ME. And if something bad happens, then well--so be it. So we ended up heading over to New York New York to ride the roller coaster! It was super fun. We gambled for a bit then tried to think of our next game plan. Basically I was feeling like clubbing or drinking was not a good idea so we just did the chillax thing and went to watch a movie. That's when we went to the Palms and watched CHRONICLE. (I wrote about it a couple posts down. It was really good! Better than I had expected by far!) I wasn't feeling the Anxiety during this time so I pretty much tried to keep it out of my head. After a while it was getting late so we just ended up going to the Red Rock near her parent's place, which is a casino, and gambled for a bit. We played Roulette with some random guys and we were on a hot fire streak!! I called all the shots and basically we won 6 times in a row!! $$$$$$$$ LOLLLL Lucky night or what. At least one thing went well that night. Sheesh. 

So we rolled to her parents place around 3am or so and just talked some more. I'm just really glad I could talk to her about the Anxiety and stuff because it's super personal and I really don't like talking about it because I feel like people will judge me / not understand. But I guess it's kind of common because a lot of people tell me they've had similar experiences before when I tell them about it. 

When I got back, I told myself that I would take care of myself better. That includes more exercise, eating better/healthier, and probably the most important thing--GETTING MY SLEEPING SCHEDULE BACK. I've been sleeping during the day and waking up during the night. It's horrible. But the Anxiety disorder gives me insomnia too which makes it harder to sleep. Anyway, since I've returned from Vegas, I've had about 3 separate Anxiety/Panic attacks which is pretty BAD. So I'm hoping I can get it checked out soon or something. I don't know. I've had panic attacks in the past but this is far beyond that. I've never felt so crippled in my life. 

Anyway, that's basically what happened. So Vegas didn't turn out as I wanted it to, but I did learn a lot about myself. There definitely needs to be some changes. That's all I'll say for now. 

Okay, checklist on things I want to blog about!

• Anxiety disorder
• I dyed my hair black........AND IT TURNED BLUE. O___O Yeah, not even joking. It's like a very apparent dark Navy blue. But OMG. I don't know if I hate it or love it. I mean, it's kinda different but. WTF. 
• Reviews on beauty products (BB creams and whatnot)
• Evil Queen / Regina look! (From the show Once Upon A Time) I've been wanting to do this for the longest time but I needed a black wig. Instead, I decided to dye my hair black because the blonde was too much to keep bleaching all the time. 
• Eye make-up for monolids. Because I ACTUALLY have monolids......
• DIY projects
• More jewelry!
• Spring fashion trends (for the hell of it)

Which reminds me. Lately I've been buying a lot of fashion magazines. Which is kinda weird for me since I don't usually follow trends and such. But the trends kind of inspire me to try new styles. And I want to share that on my blog too. 

My growing magazine collection. 

HOLYSHIT. I have a lot of things I need to blog about. LOL. Someone inspire me to do these damn make-up tutorials already! I think one of the reasons that I'm not motivated to do them is because I know there are SOOOO MANY other cute girls doing similar tutorials and I'm just like, "well what's the point?" but I'll try doing stuff I don't see very often.

Well that's it for now. Until next time~

+Lo+